Clucker Training Your Horse

You’ve seen all the videos, you own all the books, you’ve been to all the clinics and you’re still having problems training your horse. It’s not your fault, you just haven’t tried everything yet! You don’t need to go to Sea World to learn how to train your horse. Clucker Training (CT) has been used successfully for years at poultry farms all across Europe. Not until the breakup of communism have these revolutionary training methods become available to the rest of us.

There’s no equipment to purchase, no fancy books with big words to read, and best of all you don’t have to teach your horse to rear and eat a fish for reinforcement with our program. We use only humanely raised range fed chickens in our training program. An added benefit from CT is that you get eggs from the chicken too.

You will need to practice the cluck with the horse. Your horse has to learn to differentiate between the cluck of a Rhode Island Red and a Cornish Game Hen. Each horse is different, as is every chicken. Some "cluck", some make a "bock-bock" noise, while others make more of "peep" (eat these ones right away, they’re no good for Clucker Training). Practice clucking out loud in front of large groups of people; at work, church, in the grocery store, etc. But, be sure not to "gobble" as this is reserved for working with mules.

Conditioned Response, Operant Conditioning, Intrinsic Reinforcement, Targets, and Jackpots are all too confusing for us to remember. We’ve replaced this with the "Tingle Response" named after Dr. Bert Tingle. Dr. Tingle believes that no one can learn to train their horse effectively unless they receive their training from "Tingle Certified" (TC) instructors in order to maintain consistency and the integrity of his training program. Dr. Tingle was the first scholar to successfully combine fractals and decomposition strategy with modern day horse training principles:

This domain decomposition strategy is simple but suffers from a significant disadvantage: it cannot easily exploit redundancy and symmetry and, hence, performs eight times too many integral computations. Because an alternative algorithm based on functional decomposition techniques is significantly more efficient (it does not perform redundant computation and does not incur high communication costs), the domain decomposition algorithm is not considered further.

Quite a different parallel algorithm can be developed by focusing on the computation to be performed rather than on the data structures manipulated, in other words, by using a functional decomposition. When redundancy is considered, one naturally thinks of a computation as comprising a set of integrals (the integral procedure of the algorithm) each requiring six D elements and contributing to six F elements.

Focusing on these computations, we define ``computation'' tasks, each responsible for one integral. Having defined a functional decomposition, we next need to distribute data structures over tasks. However, we see no obvious criteria by which data elements might be associated with one computation task rather than another: each data element is accessed by many tasks. In effect, the F, D, and A arrays constitute large data structures that the computation tasks need to access in a distributed and asynchronous fashion. This situation suggests that the techniques described in the prior paragraph for asynchronous communication may be useful. Hence, for now we simply define two sets of ``data'' tasks that are responsible only for responding to requests to read and write data values. These tasks encapsulate elements of the two-dimensional arrays D and F and of the one-dimensional array A ), respectively. In all, our partition yields a total of approximately computation tasks and data tasks (as described above).

We have now defined computation tasks and data tasks. Each computation task must perform sixteen communications: six to obtain D matrix elements, four to obtain A matrix elements, and six to store F matrix elements. As the computational costs of different integrals can vary significantly, there does not appear to be any opportunity for organizing these communication operations into a regular structure, as is advocated in the previous section.

Oh, wait a minute this is a quantum chemistry algorithm. Well anyways send us money for our training program.

Attend our Clucker Training clinic in Branson, Missouri May 9th. Meet world renowned clucker/trainer, Dr. Bert Tingle. Dr. Tingle will demonstrate his training methods which combine Natural Horsemanship techniques and Clucker Training. The result is different levels of horseanship with fowl communication.

Level 1: Yielding your horse with a chicken on your head and Dr. Tingle demonstrates how to effectively round pen with the smaller breeds of poultry.

Level 2: Clucker tunes. Teaching your horse to respond to feel while you cluck to show tunes; The theme from Deliverance (Dueling Banjos), Fiddler on the Roof, and Oklahoma.

Level 3: Advanced clucker; teaching your horse to trailer load and introduction to the "gobble".

Purchase your certified CT program from us this week for a low price of $129.00 and we’ll throw in our new training system, Gobble Training (GT) for mules. If you purchase before midnight tonite, you’ll get:

  1. Not one but TWO certified natural organic range fed chickens for use in your training program. A Leghorn and a Bantam; both guaranteed to cluck on command.
  2. A video tape entitled "True Cluck" which explains the proper way to hold your chicken and get the most "cluck for the buck".
  3. Our book "The Man who Clucks to Horses" a real life biography about the life of Dr. Bert Tingle from the time he showed John Wayne how to ride a horse to his visits to the White House to help President Reagan work on foreign policy matters.

E-mail your order to us. Be sure to include your credit card number and expiration date: HorseClucker@takemymoney.com